Lying in bed can be motivating

I lay in bed this morning trying to figure out why I wasn't doing some of the things on my "to do" list. Beds in the morning can be great places to do this kind of thinking because there's no pressure and no distractions. There is the possibility of falling asleep in mid thought, but when that happens I figure it's just because I really needed some more sleep.

Usually, I won't fall asleep because I'm actually interested in finding the answer to my question. I find that in bed I'm able to think very clearly and to ask myself questions that really help me learn something new or at least point me in the right direction. So this morning, I thought of the "to do" list in my last post and I wondered why I did everything except finish the focus-group analysis. Why didn't I do that, the one work-related thing on the list?

Some time in the summer, after I had been working for a month or two, I tried to identify what my motivation was for doing this work. Pay was one of the more obvious things that came to mind. But I also thought of the idea of professionalism. I wanted to be able to match my own identity with some idea I had about what a young professional ought to be. Maybe I wanted to prove that after having been a student for so long I could make the adjustment to the working world or I wanted to show to my new colleagues (and myself) that I was successful.

So if being a successful young professional was so important why wasn't I doing this focus-group analysis work? Perhaps I thought that not doing this work right away wouldn't affect my professional image. Or maybe being professional wasn't sufficient motivation. Maybe my idea of professionalism was based on images of successful young hot shots on TV--an image that deep down inside I didn't really care about anyway. I decided that the most rewarding feelings of fulfilment should come from accomplishing goals that I set for myself, not TV images.

I got dressed, moved to the couch, and got out my notepad. Funny how there are different levels of comfort: the bed, the couch, and now I'm at my desk. I don't mean the comfort level of the physical place (e.g. the bed or the desk chair) I mean more the feeling of safety. It was only in bed that I felt safe enough to ask questions about my motivation (or lack thereof). Once I had a few thoughts I was interested in moving out to the living room.

I started thinking about the focus-group work and reminding myself that I liked the process: interacting with people to evaluate a project, transcribing the interactions to then analyze the emerging themes, and finally writing a report that sheds light on why people liked or disliked the project and what new directions might be worth pursuing. So there was something about the process of the work that I valued.

I'm going to leave it there for now. I guess what I'm getting out of this morning's thoughts is that I still have to define my objective and my motivation more clearly. But I think lying in bed can be a good place to feel comfortable asking these kinds of questions.